Carnival of Rust
by killerbee07
Summary: Gillian didn't know what she'd expected, running off to join the circus like she had. Definitely not a charming concession stand worker, a terminally ill accordionist, and a seemingly psychotic fire breather. Join Gillian and the other NW characters as they live the life of the circus… AH/AU no OC's
1. Chapter 1

**Hey there, thanks for clicking on this story. Before we begin, a little bit about it: this first chapter is mainly Gill, but the POV will rotate. Also, if you know anything about circus life, or if I get anything completely wrong, don't hesitate to tell me. **

**Thanks, enjoy!**

_And more than ever, I hope to never fall, where enough is not the same it was before_

**- Poets of the Fall, Carnival of Rust**

Gillian remembered the enchantment of that night. The sheer novelty of the animals alone was enough to send her into fitful excitement and beyond. Then add the lights, the music, the food. The hypnotic, almost snake-like movements of the dancers. She was ecstatic for it.

To a shy girl like her, the seemingly magical stunts that went hand in hand with pure amazement from the crowd was like something from a fairy tale.

All in all, it merged to create a memory that engraved itself deep in her conscious and unconscious mind. And, though she didn't know it, that night's circus had changed her life forever. A seed was planted that day, a seed that would come to fruition nine years later.

-0-

Her mother was a drunk. A raging, mad, abusive drunk.

Gillian had come upon the realization several times before, but had a hard time accepting it with all sincerity. Sure, her mother had slipped a bit since Gill's father walked out, but surely she would get better.

It was on her 16th birthday Gillian finally accepted it as one of life's honesties.

Ms. Lennox was long gone.

With that, came a second and even harsher revelation: _There is nothing for me here. Nothing but old, fragmented hopes._

This one, even harder to process, was accepted into Gillian's hall of truths on her next birthday.

She was now 17, living with a woman she no longer recognized as her mother, and itching to do something with her life.

She believed it to be a spur of the moment decision, but in actuality, it had been years in the making and shaping.

_I'm going to join the circus._

-0-

It was a small traveling circus, nothing extravagant, and many performers were in more than one act, but Gillian was certain it was the one.

What she wasn't certain of was how to do this. It's not like she'd run away before, she wasn't even sure how to rightly apply for this kind of thing. And really, it was very possible she was heading in the wrong direction.

"Excuse me, miss," someone called from behind her. "Closing time had long passed, the road out is over there."

Gillian turned. A boy, slightly older than herself- and not too hard on the eyes, either- was handling a cart of trash—likely picking up after the carnival goers. "But I don't want to leave," Gillian shifted from one foot to the other. "I want to stay."

"He chuckled. "That's all very well, but the shows are over, and like I said, we're closed."

"I mean," she explained, "I want to join."

"Join?" he was obviously more than a little shocked. "Aren't you a tad young to be joining the circus?"

"I'm 17," _but I look like I'm 12, I know,_ She thought to herself.

"Oh," He said, at least looking a little embarrassed.

"Yeah."

"Well," He said, "You're still not legally an adult."

"Gill shook her head, "Since when had the law been enforced around these parts?" She asked, and it was a valid point. Her neighbor, Amy, had been married off to a grown man when she was just 13. If the law couldn't catch an extreme case of what was surely adultery, what were the chances it would catch her?

"Sure, maybe not these parts," he admitted, "but we're a _traveling_ circus. Meaning we won't stay in these parts for long."

"I saw your show," She huffed. "Don't tell me all of your performers are of age."

"Well, that's…" He shrugged. "Different?"

"Can I talk to whoever's in charge?" Gillian but her hands on her hips.

He studied her for a moment, then smiled. "The green tent near the big wooden stage."

"Thank you," she nodded to him, then set off in the opposite direction she'd been heading.

An amused, "Good luck," reached her ears as she passed him.

-0-

The space was nice, if not a bit too cluttered with paperwork for Gillian's taste. Well lit, warm enough, and it didn't smell bad, either.

But the most striking feature of the place was its single occupant.

Maybe in her mid-twenties, with sleek chocolate hair and soft features, the woman struck Gill as uniquely beautiful.

She looked up from what she'd been doing to fix Gillian with sharp, electric blue eyes. "Who are you?"

_Good luck_, the boy's well wishes echoed in her mind.

_Yeah, I just might need it._

"Gillian," She lifted her chin a bit. "My name is Gillian Lennox, and I'd like to join your circus."

The woman narrowed her eyes and looked Gillian up and down. "There aren't any openings, sorry kid."

"I'm not a kid," Gillian said on reflex, then went on to say, "Are you sure?"

"Look, _kid,_" She tossed a wave of brown hair over her shoulder, "I've met your type before. Many times before. Let me guess, you ran away from home to do this?"

"Well, yes, but that's beside the point." Gillian argued.

"Then what is the point?" The woman sighed. "Bear wrestling? The tight rope? Dancing?" When she saw Gillian's interest pique at that, she shook her head. "Forget it. I can only handle one newbie at a time, and the position's filled."

"Then let me be next." Gillian pleaded. "Just give me a chance, let me tag along, maybe as a janitor or something, until you're ready to take on another performer."

The woman sat back, that intense look of hers focused on Gillian, appraising her with interest this time, not pure judgment. Then, a small smile. "You can call me Mare. The girls lodge in the blue tent with red stripes, next to the candy stand."

Gill grinned.

"Don't get too excited though" Mare warned. "We'll talk more in the morning, and if I still like what I see, _then_ you can grin."

"Thank you." Gill tuned it down to a small smile. "Thank you so much."

"Be on your way." Mare gestured at the flap that served as a door.

With one last thank you, and the brief notion of curtsying before the urge passed, Gillian exited the tent.

-0-

The bravado Gillian had felt earlier with Mare dulled to a poor, faded, mere imitation of itself when she pulled aside the flap and all eyes turned towards her.

Gillian raised a hand in a timid hello. "Um, hi. Mare told me this is where the girls sleep? Well, obviously," Gillian chuckled nervously, rubbing the back of her neck, "I mean, you're all girls. And there's cots, and…"

For the next moment, there was only silence.

Then, the slight wheezing of an accordion as it was moved from the lap of a red- headed, pixie- like girl and onto the floor. The girl stood, stepped forward, smiled, and held out a hand. "I'm Poppy," she said.

"Gillian," she smiled, "but you can call me Gill."

"I'm Jade," another girl stepped up. Also petite and green-eyed, but this time pale blonde. "I'd like to say I'm a dancer, but the truth is, I'm still pretty basic. So," Jade smiled, "what are you on for?"

"Well, ah, I don't know." Gill admitted. "I'm interested in acrobatics, but I think I'll be a janitor or an extra hand for a long while."

"Acrobatics?" Poppy grinned. "Cool. I can't even touch my toes. They only keep me around 'cause I play." She motioned at the accordion.

"It's not certain, though," Gillian grimaced. "Mare just said we'd talk more in the morning."

"Eh," A girl with bouncy, fox-red curls stood up and stretched. "If you made it this far, chances are you're safe. Now you just have to prove you're good. Mare'll probably make you audition tomorrow, if she hasn't already."

Her stretch morphed into an elaborate bow. "Maggie Neeley," she introduced herself. "Your host, entertainer, and renowned cart-wheeler."

This made some of the other girls laugh.

"Maggie can't tumble worth crap," Poppy explained. "A woman after my own heart."

"But don't write her off," said what must've been the most delicate, flowerlike girl Gill had ever seen. "You should see her climb. She's half squirrel, I swear." She gave a small trill of her fingers. "I'm Iliana. Also a dancer, but I double on the high wire and trapeze and other things like that."

-0-

Jez wasn't sure what to think of the 'new' girl ('new' because she hadn't technically been hired yet.)

She was pretty enough. Blonde- like the other acrobats with violet eyes similar to Iliana's. But she seemed shy, something that would have to change if she wanted a job in this circus; known for its fantastic acts and personalities.

Though, who knew? Maybe she could pull it out on stage.

Then, she decided, she didn't really care. She was hungry, and when she got hungry, there was room for nothing else.

So, standing up, she slipped out of their lodging- a flimsy tent usually used for face painting and cheap game booths during show hours.

Jez was on her way to the boys' tent- David would give her the keys to the concession stand whether he liked it or not- when a faint rustling to her left caught her attention.

She turned her head, glimpsed the hint of a shadow, then nothing.

_A stray cat or something._

Had anyone but Keller been on guard duty, she wouldn't be so quick to dismiss it. But Keller was reliable, unlike Quinn or even Rashel (as much as she liked the girl.)

Quinn was prone to tuning out- most likely mourning his late fiancée, Dove- who'd died in a tightrope accident last spring. Then there was Rashel. Vigilant, Jez handed her that, but too new to have proven herself.

But this was Keller. Nothing got past her.

Two green eyes, bright as emeralds, peered out from the darkness.

Then they were gone.

Too fast to be anything but her imagination.

**Well, there you have it.**

**A big thank you to the night has a thousand eyes  for helping so much. I never could have gotten this idea onto paper without her.**

**Please REVIEW!**


	2. Chapter 2

_Doesn't matter if it's out there somewhere waiting for the world to find.  
Or buried deep inside._

_Everybody lies._

**-Jason Walker, Everybody Lies**

Gillian woke up, sat upright, looked around through sleep-hazed eyes, and thought: _this isn't my room_.

She started.

_Oh, God. I really did that, didn't I? I joined the circus._

"Morning," mumbled Jade from the top bunk of their bed. Gillian looked up, eyes locking onto the springs that, when pulled, would collapse the bunk-bed into one neat slab. They looked rather rusted.

Gillian backed out of the bed, eyes on the springs the whole time. She definitely didn't want to be crushed to death by a mattress. That would be a stupid way to go.

Gill scanned the room. Blaise—who worked on costumes, makeup, and publicity—sat awake on the opposite side of the tent. Keller and Rashel were still in bed, presumably sleeping off their night shifts (they worked as guards). Maggie, sprawled out on her bunk, was most likely just pretending to be asleep so no one would bother her—Gillian recalled Thea (the makeup artist/ part-time animal trainer) teasing her about that. Poppy was also still in bed, pillow over her head.

Besides that, the tent was empty.

"Oh, good, you're up." Blaise looked up from her sketch-pad. "Mare wants to see you."

"Oh," Gillian nodded. "Is she still in the green tent?"

"Last time I checked," Blaise answered, brushing a dark strand of hair behind her ear.

"Wait up," Poppy moaned, her words muffled. She sat up in a maneuver similar to a push-up, her arms shaking. The pillow fell off her head and onto the floor. She soon followed it, landing in a mangled heap.

Gillian took a step forward, worried, but the others seemed unconcerned. Neither Jade nor Blaise moved at the sound. Maggie chuckled in her 'sleep'.

"Are you okay?" Gill asked.

"Sure," Poppy sighed, then opened her eyes. "I've got business on that side of camp, too. I'll come with."

"Are you sure?" Gillian asked. "Maybe you should get some more sleep. It seems like you could use it."

"Eh," Poppy gave a messy shrug. "My mornings are always like this."

"Morning?" Blaise muttered. "Poppy, it's twelve o'clock."

"Twelve?" Gillian asked, surprised. She'd never slept that late, not once in her life.

"Yeah," Poppy stood, then doubled over. "Morning."

"Seriously, though," Gillian took another step forward. "Are you okay?"

"Great," Poppy straightened up. "I'm ready when you are."

-0-

Gillian stepped out of the tent and discovered it was indeed 12:00.

Iliana and Thea waved from their perch on the concession stand counter, each with a slice of toast in their hand. Next to the, was the boy Gill had met the night before.

He was occupied with a giant soft pretzel, but when he saw Gill, he set it down to wave. "Congrats," he called. "You made it through round one."

Gill wasn't sure if she was so happy about that. Last night, everything had seemed so magical. Now the place just looked shifty.

She smiled back anyway.

"That's David," Poppy told her. "He's an extra hand around here. You know, sets up, cleans, occasionally works as a clown, sometimes he helps Thea and Blaise with costumes, usually he mans the food booth."

"Yeah," Gill nodded. "I saw him last night, picking up."

"He's a real nice guy."

Next, they passed several boys putting together a stage out of the bed-slabs, the cots doubling as tumbling mats.

"They'll put a giant tent up around it and it'll be used for the fire breathing act." Poppy told her, catching her glance.

"Fire breathing?" Gill asked, eyes wide.

"Yeah, didn't you see the show last night?" Poppy inquired. "Jez and her cousin, Delos, do this amazing 'blue fire' show, and Iliana does her little dancing, flipping thing around it. It's really something."

"I must've missed it." Gill shrugged. "Honestly, I was much more interested in the animals."

"Ah," Poppy nodded. "Galen. He teaches those animals the most amazing tricks." Poppy went on like that—talking about acts Gillian had not yet seen and people she'd not yet met.

Finally, they reached the green tent Gill remembered from the night before.

"Here we are," Poppy nodded at it. "You'll do great, I know it."

Gill smiled. "I hope so." Though, honestly, she wouldn't be too upset if she were sent home. What had seemed like a wonderful idea the day before, now, quite frankly, scared her half to death.

_I ran away to join the circus._ She couldn't help but think. _And now, it seems, I just might be accepted._

-0-

Mary- Lynnette watched the girl walk in.

Gillian reminded her a bit of Iliana- delicate with a certain feel of sweetness about her. Her clothes were rumpled, as if she'd slept in them.

"Tell me," Mary- Lynnette said, "did you pack a bag before you ran off?"

"Well," Gillian blushed, "no."

Mare nodded. "Did you tell your parents where you were going?"

"My father's gone. I left a note, but I doubt my mother will ever be sober enough to read it." Gillian replied, looking slightly embarrassed. By her parents, Mary- Lynnette would guess.

"Now," Mare leaned back in her chair, "show me what you can do."

She was good. Limber, and she knew some basic moves. Though she hid behind her hair in a way no performer should. Something would have to be done about that.

Mare curled one finger in a beckon. Gillian stepped forward.

"Well, there is definitely work to be done." Mare leaned forward in her chair. "Here's what we're going to do. You're going to go home, pack a bag, and tell your mother what's going on. You _will_ work things out with her, and if that means you not coming back, then fine. But if you do come back…" Mare looked her up and down. "We'll talk some more then, get the specifics all worked out." Gillian turned to leave.

"I can't promise you a spot in a show anytime soon, though," Mare called after her. "You've got a long way to go before you'll be ready."

-0-

Poppy lay down on the cot, watching James as best she could from her new vantage point.

"Now then, when did the pains start?" James asked in that businesslike tone he used when doing his job as camp doctor.

"Two weeks ago." Poppy said. "The first one came when Jade was trying to teach me how to do a series of round-offs, you know, like a whole bunch in a row?"

James nodded, "And what did it feel like?"

"Well…" Poppy thought on it. "It was sort of a shooting pain that went all the way to my back. I thought I'd sprained my stomach or something."

"How long did it last?" James asked with a furrowed eyebrow.

"A couple minutes," Poppy said. "But it came back that night."

James pulled on a pair of gloves. "And how long did it last then?"

"Longer," Poppy shrugged. "It would last a long while, then sort of fade, and I'd think it was gone, then it would come back. It took several hours for it to stop for good."

"And has the pain changed in anyway since then?"

"No," Poppy shifted on the cot. "It still feels the same, and it lasts longer and is more painful at night."

James looked troubled. "May I?" He gestured at her stomach.

"Oh," Poppy fought back a blush. "Sure."

His hands probed her stomach. And Poppy, telling herself he was just doing his job, couldn't help but like it.

She'd had a crush on James ever since her father—who worked as a clown—introduced her to his coworkers, and it hadn't faded one bit. The soft brown hair and deep grey eyes—those were the things that had won her over from the start. Then, she'd worked up the nerve to say hi, and it had only taken one conversation before she knew they were absolutely meant for each other.

"Right here?" He asked, gently tapping her abdomen.

"Yeah," Poppy said, trying her best not to sound infatuated.

"Well, there's definitely something there," James said, then took her pulse and several other readings Poppy had no hope of understanding. "I'll talk to Thierry, and get you in to see a more specialized doctor."

"What?" Poppy raised an eyebrow. "A specialist? Why would I need one of those?"

James hesitated, then said, "I know there's something off, but I can't exactly tell what. A specialist would be able to do that, and would be more certified to prescribe medication, if needed."

"What do you think I have?" Poppy asked. "What kind of specialist would I be seeing? Not one with needles, please tell me there won't be any needles involved."

James gave up a hint of a smile. "I don't think there will be needles, but I can't say for sure."

Poppy grimaced. "Oh, great." She hopped off the cot when she saw him taking off the gloves. "Hey, you never told me what you think I have."

"I can't." James turned away from her. "I don't have the kind of training to do that."

"But you have a hunch," Poppy insisted.

James sighed. "Yes, I have a hunch."

"Well?" Poppy prompted. "What's your hunch?"

"I think…" James' eyes darted around the room, as if looking for something else to do, but finding nothing, he faced her. Though, he wouldn't look her in the eye. "I think maybe you have a tumor."

"A… tumor?" Poppy's voice rose until it was nearly a squeak. "Please tell me you're kidding."

"Like I said," James hurried over to her, putting his hand on her shoulder. It didn't give her tingles this time around. "I don't know for sure, I'm not qualified enough to give the diagnosis. And besides, cancer like this is rare. It's probably nothing. A sprained stomach, like you said."

"If you really believed that, you wouldn't be so eager to get me to a specialist." Poppy felt miserable.

"Are there any other symptoms?" James asked. "There are hundreds of possibilities, other maladies. Maybe if there are other symptoms we can cancel out a tumor."

Well," Poppy said, her spirits buoyed a bit by the notion, "I haven't been very hungry. When I first get up, I feel really dizzy and nauseous- but bending over usually helps."

James looked like she felt: terrified.

"This isn't helping, is it?" Poppy guessed. "It's just making you more sure."

"I'll talk to Mare, and she'll get word to Thierry." James didn't even try for denial this time. "He can get you a better doctor."

"Oh, god." Poppy sank down, landing heavily on the dirt floor of the 'clinic', a makeshift tent near the edge of camp.

James knelt down next to her, putting an arm around her and pulling her close.

_Great, _Poppy thought,_ he finally puts his arm around me and it's because I'm probably going to die of a rare cancer._

They sat like that for a while.

"James," Poppy said into his chest, "don't tell anyone about this- especially not my dad."

"I won't." James promised after a moment of hesitation, probably thinking of her father. "The bosses will be the only ones to know."

Poppy nodded. "Thank you."

"But, you know, you won't be able to keep it a secret forever." James said. "It will… progress until it will be impossible to hide it."

"I know." Poppy leaned into his chest a bit more forcefully, trying to burrow her way further into his arms.

"They'll be mad when they find out." James told her. "Well, maybe not mad. Upset that you have it. Upset that you didn't tell them."

"Everybody lies." Poppy said. "Besides, if I told them, they'd only try to make things easier for me."

"Well, yeah," James said. "But, would that be such a bad thing?"

"I want things to go on like usual," Poppy said. "I don't want everything to change all at once. I need at least some semblance of normalcy or I'm afraid I just might loose it."


	3. Chapter 3

_Give me back my innocence cos I wish to dream again,_

_Like I never outgrew my old playground.  
Where the sun sets slowly with a golden crown_

_And the leaves sing lullabies 'round vacant swings.  
Give me those wings._

**-Poets of the Fall, Given and Denied**

Gillian winced when she saw her mother sitting in the lawn chair on the front porch.

She thought back to that morning, resolved that she'd be okay if Mare turned her down. Taking in the ragged lawn, the rotting house, and _that woman_, she decided she would absolutely not be okay.

"So," Her mother crossed her legs, narrowing her eyes. "You're back, I see. Things not go well?"

"They went well enough," Gillian said, striding past her mother and into the house.

Her mother followed, saying, "Gillian Lennox, I thought I raised you better."

"You hardly raised me at all," Gillian said, and it was true. There were occasional motherly acts of kindness, but she'd never truly been a mother to her daughter since Gillian had been ten. Since Gill's father had left.

"A letter?" Gillian's mother shook a piece of paper with a few sentences scribbled on in blue ink:

_Going away. Not coming back soon. Don't worry._

"Yes," Gillian said, slightly surprised her mother had read it. And, she thought with and equal shock, her mother was sober for once. At least, sober enough to carry out a conversation.

"You couldn't have told me to my face?" Her mother demanded.

"You'd told me not to bother you, then locked yourself in your room." Gillian answered.

She sighed. "You couldn't have waited until I came out?"

"No," Gillian said. "You wouldn't have come out 'till morning, and by then it would've been too late to… go where I was going."

"And where's that?" Gillian's mother asked. "What place could be better than the home I've given you? Better than me?"

Gillian hesitated, then remembered Mare's order to set things straight with her mother. "The circus." She said quietly.

"The circus?" Her mother barked a laugh. "You left me—leaving only a crappy, half-assed note—to join the circus?" Her mother's mouth twisted when Gillian just stood there. "How darling. And I suppose they turned you down?"

"No," Gillian said. "I'm just here to pack a bag. Then I'm off."

"You're…" Her mother's eyebrows went up. "No, you're not."

"Yes." Gillian said, opening the door to her room. "Yes, I am. And you're not stopping me."

Her mother grabbed a hold of her arm. "No." she said sternly. "You listen to me, and you listen to me good. You will _not_ be joining the circus. You will stay here, grounded for the rest of your life."

Gillian pulled out of her mother's hold. "And I suppose you expect me to listen to you," Gillian gave a short, humorless laugh. "Give me one reason I should."

"I'm your mother."

"No," Gillian said. "A mother's duties go both ways. She cares for her child, loves them, and only if she does that will that child trust her when she says she knows what's best for them." Gillian opened her dresser and pulled out a bundle of clothes- sorting her favorites into a pile that, in turn, went into a bag. Her mother watched.

Gillian hoisted the bag over her shoulder and looked her mother in the eye. "I don't trust you."

Her mother blocked the doorway. Gillian opened a window.

"Don't," Gillian's mother pointed at her. "You walk out, you'll never be welcome back."

Gill's bag went out first. One leg, then the other, then she was hopping off the window sill.

She made it halfway down the street before looking back. Her mother was nowhere to be seen.

Gillian wondered if she'd made the right decision.

She shook her head and decided, yes, she had.

-0-

"You're back!" Jade bounded up and threw her arms around her.

"When we saw you leaving Mare's tent with that look on your face, then leaving all together, we'd thought the worst." David gave her a pat on the shoulder. "Just left for a bag, though?"

"Yeah," Gillian ducked her head, as if that would save her from the attention.

"So?" Jade asked. "What's the verdict?"

"Well, I went home to talk it out with my mother and gather my stuff," Gillian's face stayed blank at the mention of her mother. "Mare said if I didn't come back, she'd just assume I'd decided to quit."

"But you are back…" Jade prompted. "So, what now?"

"Ummm…" Gill bit her lip and shrugged. "I think Mare wanted to talk some more. If you're wondering what I'm on for, I have no idea. She had me dance, but I doubt she'll want me performing for a while."

"An extra hand, then," David deduced. "Good. We could use another one of those."

"Well, if she wants to talk to you," Jade stepped away, "don't let us keep you. The sooner you have the job for certain, the better."

-0-

"So, are we clear?" Mary- Lynnette asked.

"Yep." Gillian confirmed. "Extra hand, here and there. Mainly cleaning, though."

"Right," she said, following Mare into a tent.

They approached a man maybe a couple years older than Gillian. He had golden blond hair and grey- violet eyes, only a shade less saturated then her own. "This is Angel," Mare put her hand on the man's shoulder. "He's not a professional, but out of all of us, he has the most experience styling hair."

"Hair?" Gill frowned, her fingers going up to her own. She didn't have to reach far, her pale locks went down to her waist.

"Yes," Angel confirmed. "I've been ordered to chop it all off."

Gillian made a noise in the back of her throat, kin both to a gasp and a whimper. Her hands flew to the top of her head and she stumbled a step back.

"Oh," Angel's eyes widened. "I guess I should have broken the news a bit gentler, huh?"

"What do you mean, 'chop it all off'?" Gillian's voice was a terrified squeak.

"Just, you know," Angel said with a 'help-me-now' look at Mare. "A couple inches here, a couple inches there."

"Gillian," Mare stepped forward, putting a steadying hand on Gillian's arm. "I know you like your hair, all girls do, but that much…" she trailed off, then shrugged, like it was out of her control. "It will get in the way of the costume. And while it's unlikely you'll be on stage anytime soon, you should learn and practice with the hair you'll eventually have."

"Iliana has long hair, and she says she just braids it for shows." Gillian took another step back. "Can't I do that?"

Mare sighed. "The difference, Gillian, is that Iliana doesn't hide behind her hair. You do. We need to break that habit, if you're going to be a performer in my circus."

"I don't… hide…" Gillian knew it was a lie.

"Look," Mary- Lynnette compromised. "You can keep your hair if you want to, but I would really appreciate it if you let Angel cut it."

Gillian looked at her feet, biting her lip slightly. She steeled herself.

"Please, do it fast. Before I change my mind."

-0-

Gillian felt like a weight had been lifted, and really, it had. Figuratively and literally.

She'd freed herself of her mother

She'd freed herself of her hair.

_She was free._

Gillian wove her way through the crowd. She spotted Poppy, briefly, through a gap in the mass of circus goers, playing a rather melancholy song on her accordion. Then she was gone. Next, she saw a man she thought she recognized as Angel. Face painted, on stilts—all in all, the perfect clown.

Animal sounds floated from her left, an open air ring, where she knew the animal trainers—Galen and Hannah—were putting on their bear routine. She recalled the show from last night, both the trainers blond and beautiful. She'd not yet met them, but Poppy said they were two of the gentlest people she'd ever known. She'd also gossiped that Iliana had a thing for Galen.

Finally, she stopped in front of a tent, much larger than the others. Gillian vaguely remembered passing a stage that morning and Poppy saying that was where the fire breathing act was going to be.

"You should go in." Gillian spun around to see David, a box of peanuts hanging from his shoulders.

"Yeah, I've heard it's amazing." Gillian said, eyeing the peanuts.

David chuckled and handed her a bag. "It really is. And tonight's the last show, last chance to see it before you have a job."

"The last show?" Gillian asked, popping one of the nuts into her mouth.

"Yeah," David said. "Tomorrow, we're off. You joined just in time."

"Well, then, I suppose I should watch." Gillian said.

"I'll walk you in," David lightly touched her elbow. "Though, I should warn you, I'll soon be off. Snacks to sell, and all."

"Sell?" Gillian reached for her pocket.

David stopped her. "Don't worry about it. For you, it's free."

"Are you-"

"Positive," David cut her off. "Now come on, you're going to love this."

-0-

"So, what's up?" Maggie asked, leaning over the top bunk rail to look down on Poppy.

"Nothing's 'up'." Poppy replied. "Why would you think something was up?"

"You played nothing but tragedies and love ballads this evening." Maggie answered, "it really messed up the happy-go-lucky vibe we had going."

"Just trying out something new." Poppy turned over in her bed, not facing Maggie anymore.

"Right," Maggie rolled her eyes. "Look at me, Poppy, and tell me if those grimace-like attempts at a smile were also a part of the new act."

"Sure they were," Poppy mumbled.

"Poppy…" Maggie sighed. "Please?"

"Just leave it alone." Poppy pulled her blanket up higher, so that it reached her chin and covered everything else. "I don't want to talk about it."

Maggie hauled herself back up and settled down in her own bunk. "Fine, but don't expect me to leave it alone forever. We will have the conversation eventually, like it or not."

**(Yeah, I know, I kind of dramatized the estranged relationship the book Gill has with her book Mom.)**

**Thank you so much for all the positive feedback! **

**Anon: Jez is a fire breather (along with Delos) :D**

**Big thanks to The night has a thousand eyes for all the help!**

**Also, do any of you actually look up the songs at the beginning of the chapter? Have any of you heard the song this story is named for?**


	4. Chapter 4

_So can you name your demon?  
Understand its scheming  
I raise my glass and say "here's to you"  
Can you chase your demon?  
Or will it take your freedom?  
I raise my class and say "here's to you"_

**-Poets of the Fall, Illusion and Dream**

_One year,_ Jade thought, _one year since I joined the circus._

And now they were going back to her home town.

Jade sat in the back of a wagon, horses pulling the carts of tents and costumes and people along a rutted dirt road.

Jade leaned her head back, inhaling. There it was, that familiar scent of flowers and grass and mud. The only thing she missed about this place. And, perhaps if that ghastly perfume her mother had insisted she wear hadn't blocked out the flowers and grass and mud, she would have stayed.

"Happy to be home?" Mark, Mary- Lynnette's brother, hopped up onto the wagon, taking a seat next to Jade.

"Hardly." Jade said. "The sooner we're done here, the better."

"What will you do if someone sees you?" Mark asked.

Jade gave a short, bitter chuckle. "The only people who would recognize me wouldn't be caught dead at a circus. They have far more sophisticated gatherings to attend," Jade's words grew more clipped and forced by the minute. "Dances and diners and-"

"Hey, hey, hey," Mark held up his hands, offering a small smile. "So, you aren't happy. That's just as well."

They sat a moment in silence, then Jade sighed. "I'm sorry. I just really…"

"Hate this place?" Mark finished for her.

"Yeah."

"What about it don't you like? I mean, you've mentioned some snobbish sounding characters before, but never really elaborated." Mark tilted his head. "If you don't mind my asking."

Jade's gaze turned down to her hands. "Well, there's my perfect mother, and her perfect friends, and their perfect houses, and their perfect gardens. There's my father, who I don't think I've ever actually met. There's Ash," she scowled. "He used to be the sweetest big brother a girl could ask for, then… I don't know what happened. He changed. Decided everyone would be more impressed with a ruthless, chauvinistic pig than with a decent gentleman." She kicked her heel against the back of the cart. "The worst part is he was right. They _do_ like the new Ash better."

"Sounds dreadful." Mark said, his normally light tone dark. "The only thing I had to hate about my old home was Claudia's cooking."

"Who's Claudia?" Jade asked. She'd heard the name before, and wondered who it belonged to, but never voiced the question.

"My step mother. She's not wicked or anything, so any ground she might've gained against your mother is moot." Mark shrugged. "My dad is great, and you know Mare. Always kind, and always will be. I think it's safe to say you win."

"Win…" Jade mused. "Interesting choice of words."

"You know what I mean," Mark teased, nudging her shoulder. Playful, but not intrusive.

"I shouldn't sound so glum," Jade shook her head. "It wasn't all bad. For one, I shouldn't complain about having a nice home. And really, Ash isn't so horrible. It's just around the adults that he acts like that. Around my sisters and I… he's not exactly the way he used to be, but I suppose that'd be too much to ask for. And my sisters, Rowan and Kestrel… Rowan I love with all my heart. Kestrel too, though she has the tendency to drive me crazy sometimes."

Mark grinned. "Huh. Let's call it a tie, then."

"Sure." Jade laughed, suddenly in a much better mood than she was before.

-0-

Mary- Lynnette nodded slowly, and said, "You're sure?"

"Nearly positive," James confirmed. "As far as I can tell, that's what it is- but still, we should get her in to see a more certified, experienced doctor."

"And she's asked you not to tell anyone." Mare sighed. "Not even her father?"

"Not even her father." James scowled.

"Well, then, I'll contact Thierry immediately." Mare said. "Our next stop is a wealthy one, I'm sure they'll have the kind of doctor you insist Poppy see."

-0-

Gillian trotted alongside the horses.

"You like?" David asked, coming up from behind her.

"Oh, yes. Definitely." Gill nodded.

"This is where we picked Jade up," David added.

"Seriously?" Gillian asked.

"Yeah," David ran a hand over the neck of one horse. "About a year ago. Arrived in much the same fashion you did." He grinned. "Clueless, unprepared, and completely determined."

Gillian thought on that, a bit surprised. No one had ever described her that way before. Usually it was something along the lines of 'small' or 'quiet' or 'shy'. "How long did it take her to become a dancer?"

"She started performing around seven months after being taken on." David answered. "Though, I get the feeling you'll be on that stage much sooner."

Gill gave a smile at this. "You think so?"

"I know so." David draped an arm around her. Friendly, not imposing or anything of the sort.

"So, how did you get here?" Gillian asked tentatively, deciding she didn't mind their new closeness.

"It was around three years ago, I was seventeen. I was promised to this…" he shook his head. "Devil, I guess the appropriate word would be. Tanya was her name. She was absolutely horrid." He shuddered at the memory. "So I took the easy way out- joined with those looked down upon. Now, a job in the circus where I come from… completely disgraceful. They broke off the marriage as soon as they found out." He grinned.

"What happened to Tanya?" Gillian asked.

"I don't know, and quite frankly, I don't care to get close enough to find out." David answered, shrugging. "You ever know someone like that?"

Gillian thought on it. "I don't think I've ever truly hated someone like that."

David nodded. "Most people haven't. But be warned, Gillian, when you do…" He shook his head. "People like Tanya are tricky little bastards. You may not realize what they're like inside until it's too late."

Gillian gave a slow nod. "Well, I'm happy for you. I mean, for getting out of what promised to be an awful marriage."

"Thank you," David grinned. "Now, what do you say we go for a ride when the caravan finally parks?"

"Can we do that? Is it allowed?" Gillian asked, thrilled at the prospect.

"Yeah, we can." David promised. "Mare won't mind."

-0-

Poppy kneeled over as best she could in the cart.

"You okay?" Angel asked.

"Yeah," she said, somewhat breathlessly. "Just studying the floor, thinking how well my shoes compliment it." Poppy did her best not clutch at her belly, keeping her hands at her sides.

"I think that means it's time for new shoes." Angel laughed.

"Ha ha," Poppy agreed unconvincingly and weak. "Yeah."

"Seriously, though," Angel's face lost its smile. "Are you okay."

"Doing just dandy." Poppy told him.

He raised an eyebrow.

"Okay, so I've got a bit of a stomach ache. Nothing to fret over. I'll be fine." She reassured him.

"Like the stomach ache you had yesterday?" Iliana butted in.

"Yeah, sort of like that." Poppy admitted.

"And the day before yesterday," Blaise added.

"Come to think of it," Iliana frowned, "you've been having stomach aches for a while now."

"Yeah, but I checked in with James," Poppy brushed away her concern. "Nothing serious. Just a bug." Poppy was a horrible liar, and she could tell Iliana had her doubts.

"Poppy…" Angel trailed off. "Are you sure? If you've been having problems-"

Poppy sat up and let out a laugh. "You guys are such worry warts." She jumped out of the cart, shaking her head. When she landed on her feet, she turned and said, "See: fine. Lithe as a cat."

-0-

Jade watched as the camp was slowly assembled.

Same place as last year, and the year before that, and the year before that. All the way back until the first time she saw it- the age of 12- when her Great Aunt Burdock decided it would be fun.

That was the last time Aunt Burdock ever took them out. When they got back, Jade's mother was furious, to say the least. But Jade had loved it, and look where she was today. All the better for what her mother had deemed 'uncivilized' and 'childish'.

The shows wouldn't begin until the next night, but Jade still worried. She'd told Mark that no one who would recognize her would come to the circus, but she couldn't help but feel the jitters.

"Hey," Quinn walked up beside her.

Then there was no more talking.

This place was one of unease for Quinn as well. His fiancée, Dove, had died here in an accident three years ago. A trapeze stunt during practice gone wrong, was what she'd been told. The explanation didn't go far beyond that, and truth be told, she didn't want to hear any more of the story.

Jade's eyes flickered to his face.

Blank, stoic. To be expected.

"Hey," Rashel, a guard like Quinn, came up to them. "John, Mare wants to talk to you."

_John? Was that his first name?_

He looked over at Rashel, blinking, face softening a bit (well, that last part could've been Jade's imagination). "Of course."

As he passed her, she gave him a pat on the shoulder.

"John?" Jade asked when he was gone.

"His name," Said Rashel- looking a tad embarrassed, if Jade wasn't mistaken. "John Quinn."

"Oh," Jade nodded, thinking that over. "That's a nice name."

"It is," Rashel agreed, then headed off before the conversation could become too awkward. They knew each other, but not extremely well. Just well enough for short chitter- chatter then an abrupt goodbye.

Jade watched her leave was well, then leaned back against a tree, watching the cast and crew of the circus bed down for the night.

The rays of last light colored the camp with a reddish hue, bathing her friends in a gentle farewell as the sun sank below the horizon.

**And there you have it. Chapter four, done and over with.**

**Guest: Thanks, I'm glad you came around. And don't worry, Ash comes in next chapter ;)**

**Anonymous: No, Ash isn't part of the circus (you probably figured that out from the reading above, though.**

**Anon: Yes, there will be more Jez (and, she's my favorite too.) Thank you!**

**Amy: :D That's what I'm going for!**

**Thank you for all your awesome reviews, and, please, keep them coming! **

**And, again: have any of you heard the song this story is named for!?**


	5. Chapter 5

_I can't imagine moving on  
And giving up everything  
Just to be more alone_

**-Jason Walker, More Alone**

The warm up stretches did nothing to relax Jade.

By show time, she was still stiff as a board, on the alert.

"Come on Jade," Iliana wrapped an arm around her as the music started. "There's nothing to be worried about. Just a week—an uneventful week—and we'll be out of here. On the road again."

Her friend's reassurances did nothing to ease the foreboding in Jade's gut. Something was going to go terribly wrong. And be it paranoia or prophecy, Jade was loathe to just ignore it and perform.

But she got through it. No unwelcome faces entered her line of sight, not a sign of trouble lurking.

-0-

Mary-Lynnette walked through the circus grounds. _Her _circus grounds.

Sure, the actual equipment and funding was all Thierry Descoudres's doing, but the circus was still hers. It was hers to plan, hers to show.

Which was why when she saw the head of blond hair, and the pig that wore it, sidling up to Poppy (_her_ employee) in a very ungentlemanly fashion, she felt her hair stand on end.

Poppy, fending off the unwanted attention while also managing to keep up the jig she had going on her massive accordion, caught Mare's eye and scowled.

Translation: _get this hunk of masculine arrogance off of me._

Mare started forward, catching the man by the arm. "Sir, this is a circus, not a brothel." A bit severe, as he wasn't _so_ much into Poppy's personal bubble, but it definitely got his attention. And, if Mare was being honest, there was something distinctly sour about this man. She hated him on sight.

He grinned. "Are you sure? Everywhere I turn, I see pretty ladies."

The compliment was lost on Mary-Lynnette. "If you're looking for a cheap hookup, I suggest looking for someone else. My ladies are all off limits."

"Your ladies?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Mine," Mare confirmed.

"Actually, I'm not here for a hookup, I'm here for information." Ash said, a prompt Mary-Lynnette did not acknowledge. When she said nothing, he continued. "Jade Redfern, do you know her?"

"I know her," Mary-Lynnette answered, more on guard than she was before, if this man was looking for _Jade_, someone who'd lived in this town (but swore no one would recognize her). Jade, who was as much hers as Poppy was.

"Where is she," he said.

"Why do you want to see her? Are you an old friend?" Mare asked.

"You could say that," He answered.

"Well, get lost." Mary-Lynnette told him. "She said she didn't want to see any old acquaintances, so unless you're looking for some very beefed-up trouble or a possible restraining order, I suggest you stop your search and head home."

"Big words for a little lass like yourself." He mused.

"Is that a threat," Mary-Lynnette challenged. She was a bit surprised with herself. She was usually non-violent and clearheaded, but something about him… it made her angry. Something in the way he held himself, maybe.

"Merely a statement," He answered, backing away.

He soon disappeared into the crowd.

_Good riddance._

__-0-

Gillian was approaching Angel, working at the concession booth, when a man with a shock of red hair slid a considerable amount of cash across the counter.

"Who was _that_?" Gillian asked when he'd left. "More importantly, what was that for?"

"I gave him a lemonade," Angel shrugged.

"That much for a lemonade?" Gillian asked incredulously. "I may be new to the circus, but even I know drinks at a circus aren't _that _expensive."

Angel just laughed. "Rich people," He pocketed the money. "So strange. Maybe he thought it was customary to tip me."

"That much for a tip?" Gillian shook her head, but smiled through her doubts.

"Who knows." Angel shrugged again. "With all that money, his view of the world must be extremely skewered."

"Must be."

-0-

As it turned out, it was not during show hours, but after that the premonition came to pass.

Jade, quite certain now that the grounds were empty, that she was in the all clear, was backstage with some of the other performers, splitting a pretzel with Thea.

The flap of the tent slid open, and she turned, expecting Eric, who'd promised to get them something to drink, but got something that made her entire body go cold.

"Ash," She wasn't quite sure what it was. A question, a gasp, and a cry all at once.

"Jade," He strode toward her.

"Hey," Jez stepped in front of him. "Show's over. Come back tomorrow night if you want more."

"I'm not here for a show," He said, looking past her at Jade. "I'm here for my sister."

"You're…" Jez trailed off, her attention caught between the two of them, studying them. "Oh." She said at last.

"Yeah, 'oh'." Ash mimicked. "So, if you don't mind…" He pushed past her and continued on his path to Jade.

"I don't want to go," Jade protested as he got nearer, hopping up from her spot next to Thea.

"Yeah? Well, you're going." He reached her, standing a good six or seven inches taller.

"How did you even find me?" Jade asked, hoping maybe that in stalling, there would come an answer to this predicament.

"I was with you when we came with Auntie B, I had to listen to you talking about it every day for a week afterward, and I was also there when you bought that book on circus… whatever it was."

"Everything." Jade told him. "It was a book on everything there is to know about the circus."

"Well, as darling as this little adventure of yours has been, I do think it's time to put an end to it. I didn't tell anyone my hunch," Ash said. "You could go back, and not a name on the Redfern tree would be tarnished. No one would have to know."

"Always about the family name," Jade sneered. "Is there anything else you care about?"

"I care about you," Ash said. "Which is why I'm here."

"If you really cared about me, you'd let me be." Jade huffed, looking quite cross. "You'd know that this is what I really want."

"This isn't just about you, though," Ash said. "Everyone is worried sick."

"Oh, please." Jade snorted. "Mother's probably played this up to her garden club friends—wringing as much attention from them as she can get."

"And what about Rowan. How do you think she feels?" Ash reminded her of her eldest sister. "What do you think she's made of your disappearance?"

Jade faltered, and Ash latched onto that weakness.

"Even Kestrel is concerned, and Kestrel isn't easily bothered with things like worry." Ash went on. "Then, of course, there's—"

"I don't care what you say." Jade warned, deciding no amount of Ash's forced guilt could make her go anywhere. "I've made my mind up on this. Nothing will convince me."

"Nothing? Are you sure?" Ash asked mildly.

"Completely certain." Jade held her head up.

"Well, that's a shame." Ash said. "I'd hoped this would go smoother." With that, he reached for her arm.

"Oh, no you don't!" Jade cried, trying to avoid him, but he was faster.

"Jade, I hate to pull this card, but you're too young for this!" Ash said, dragging her toward the door.

"Shut up, Ash!" Jade tugged at her arm, her struggle for freedom failing at her brother's firm grip.

"You," a new voice entered the squabble. All eyes turned to Mary-Lynnette. Hands on hips, eyebrows raised, she looked terrifying. "I thought I told you not to touch my employees. What is going on here."

"I'm taking my sister home," Ash fumed. "Where she belongs."

"I don't belong there!" Jade protested. "I can hardly breathe there!"

"You are coming with me," Ash dictated, "like it or-"

"Shut up." Mare commanded.

He looked astonished. "What did you just say to me?" From his sister, it was expected, but from this stranger… unacceptable. He would not be talked to in that manner. "I'll have you know-"

"No," Mare interrupted again. "_I'll_ have _you_ know I will not entrust my employees to men who waltz in, grab their arms, and threaten to make them leave."

"I'm her brother," Ash sneered. "I have no sinister motives, as you seem to be implying."

"We will go about this my way, or not at all," Mary- Lynnette admonished.

"And what is 'your way'?" Ash huffed, clearly thinking this was all a waste of time. That he would win in the end. That he would get Jade no matter what.

"We sit down and talk this through. In a civilized manner." She added with a pointed look at Ash's hand on Jade's arm. "If you're even capable of such a thing."

"Of course I'm capable." He glared.

"Then, come along." Mare yanked the tent flap wide open with an exaggerated jerk. Ash walked away, following Mare out of the tent with a miserable looking Jade trailing behind him.

Poppy shot her a thumbs up—_Best wishes! Good luck!_—but it was hardly noticed.

**Please review!**


	6. Chapter 6

_And what was it inside you that love never satisfied?  
The thin thread that held you, how did it come untied?  
The grace you only ran from, the bridges that you burned  
The peace of mind you learned to live without_

**- Jason Walker, I Hope You Found It Now**

Jade returned hours later, exhausted and worse for the wear.

When she entered the tent, she found that nearly everyone had congregated there.

"So?" Maggie asked in a gentle, hushed tone—so as to not wake Poppy or Blaise, who'd fallen asleep in the wait. "What's the verdict?"

Jade shrugged, a listless motion coming from tired muscles. "I don't know. They've gone back and forth for hours, and no doubt they'll go on for hours more. Anyway, I figured if this really is to be my last night here, I might as well spend it in my own bed."

"Don't talk like that," Mark chided, reaching for Jade's hand. "Mare will stick this out—for you, she'd do anything."

Jade smiled slightly, then crawled into his lap, the dreadful certainty in the pit of her stomach telling her she'd never see him again making her bold.

Curled against his chest, she sighed. "They're going to kill each other, Mark. They really are."

Mark chuckled. "They are just two strong willed individuals with things they want."

Jade shook her head. "No, one of them is a strong willed individual with something she believes in. The other is a spoiled brat on a mission to save the family reputation."

"Pretty evenly matched," Rashel sighed and leaned back in her cot. "Well, no point in staying up now. If you want to talk, do so quietly. My shift starts in an hour and I want to get at least a little shut eye before then."

-0-

Mare hadn't liked the man before, but now she hated him.

At first sight, she'd thought him bad. Upon spending more time with him, she found him so much worse.

If it weren't for the way he handled Jade, she would've hated him for the way he handled himself—with a lazy, catlike grace that practically oozed undeserved self confidence (most likely bred from being spoiled and waited on his whole life).

And, if she hadn't hated him for that, she would have hated him for his stupidity. He shed new meaning on the phrase "pretty but dumb".

And, finally, if she hadn't hated him for that… well, she would have found something else to crinkle her nose at—it was almost too easy with this one.

"And the living conditions," He complained, "Don't even get me started on those. Does she even get a chance to bathe?"

"Of course she does, they all do! What kind of show do you think I'm running? 'Dance of the Mudcaked-'"

"How," He cut in. "Where does she bathe?"

"We are on good terms with many local inns at all of our sites. They provide the necessary toiletries for a small fee." Mary-Lynnette ground the answer through her teeth.

"And what about food?" He demanded.

"You think I don't provide the proper nourishment?" She was beyond insulted.

"I walked in on her splitting a soft pretzel with some girl," He said. "If that's normal, than I most definitely-"

"All of my employees are well fed and healthy," Mare said, almost shaking in furry.

"And the beds? Is it true they double as stages and tumbling mats?" He accused

"Mr. Redfern," Mary-Lynnette cried, outraged. "If you would stop questioning the way I run my circus, you would see that Jade is content with it. Don't you care at all that she's happy with the life she's living?"

"She's 16 years old—still a kid—she doesn't know what she's doing!" He exclaimed.

"She knows exactly what she did," Mare retorted. "She signed onto an experience that has given her lifelong friends and the chance to learn and live something new."

"She ran away and joined the circus." Ash fumed. "Don't say it like it's a good thing."

"But it _has _been a good thing!" Mare practically shouted. "How can you not see that? She despised her old life, she goes on and on about how much happier she is now."

"She was fine back home. Plenty happy."

"No!" Mare cried, "She wasn't. And if you were really the caring brother you are trying to impersonate— and doing a terrible job at it, by-the-by—you would see that!"

"Well, it doesn't matter-"

"Yes, it does!"

"She is not a legal adult," Ash roared. "Out parents still have custody of her, you're breaking the law if you refuse to let her go."

"_The law_?" Mary-Lynnette said with not the volume, but a tone to match Ash's fierceness. "That didn't stop her before."

"It will now. And besides, when she is back home she will see sense." Ash sounded sure of that.

"Jade has finally had a taste of freedom. You think she would so willingly give that up?" Mary-Lynnette cocked an eyebrow. "No, she will keep coming back for more, fighting for it. And I will welcome her with open arms."

"What makes you so sure," Ash demanded.

"Because, Mr. Redfern, I know your sister better than you do."

"How dare you!"

"Oh, don't tell me you're really insulted!"

And so it went, on and on, into the night, and into the dawn.

-0-

Jez knew someone was out there, she just knew it!

_Green eyes_, she thought, _a pair of green eyes._

She'd seen them several times now, out on her midnight walks.

_There is someone out here._

The sound of shouting drew her focus away from her newfound (well, not _found_ exactly) stalker and toward Mare's tent.

Mary-Lynnette's voice… and then that snooty boy who'd barged in earlier, harassing Jade. She'd known Mare was mad, but mad enough to get this loud? Mare never got this loud, not with anyone. She delivered her threats quietly and sincerely.

Jez spoke from personal experience: Mary-Lynnette Carter was an absolutely terrifying enemy to have.

_I hope she's chewing him up good. _Jez smiled at the thought before continuing on with her search.

-0-

Mary-Lynnette groaned, then winced as the sound grated against her throat. Blinking, she sat up, bleary eyed and unsure what she was doing—_taking a nap at my desk? When have I ever done that?_

When she saw the man across from her, she groaned again, not caring how much pain the effort caused.

Ash Redfern stirred. _He looks rather idiotic_, Mary-Lynnette thought, _with his mouth slightly open like that_.

That was nothing new, though. Mare had known this boy was an idiot from the moment she'd laid eyes on him. A super power of hers, she liked to think of it, to be able to tell what people were worth her time and which ones are bumbling morons.

Ash Redfern was clearly the latter.

Unfortunately, he was a bumbling moron with money and a legitimate hold on Jade.

"Morning, sunshine," Ash mumbled when he saw her.

"Don't call me that," She snapped a retort through her yawn.

"Your wish is my command," he grinned, "sunshine."

The remark was clearly sarcastic, but Mare still responded with, "Oh, yeah? Well, I wish you'd get the hell away from my circus."

He ignored her and sat back in the chair. "What's for breakfast?"

Mare shook her head in disgust. "What happened to the whine-fest about nutritious quality you had going last night?"

"Quite frankly, sunshine, I could eat a horse right about now." He said. "You really know how work up a man's appetite, all that shouting."

Mare rolled her eyes and stood. This suddenly friendly Ash unnerved her.

"Seriously, though. What's for breakfast?" He stood with her. "Are we going to go slaughter one of the camels and cook it up or what?"

She pulled a face. "Toast, I presume. Or oatmeal." She stretched and threw him a grimace. "Though, nothing for you. You can go find your own dang breakfast."

"I'll have toast," He sauntered out of the tent like he owned it.

"What is wrong with you?" She stormed out and pulled him back in by the arm (not thrilled with the prospect of being watched by everyone).

"What is wrong with me?" Ash laughed. "Nothing, sunshine—or, at least, that's what I'm told."

"Then you, sir, are seriously misinformed." Mare shook her head.

"How so?"

"You waltz in here, try and physically drag one of my performers away, criticize my capabilities, make rude remarks all throughout, and now you expect me to provide you with _breakfast_?" Her voice rose an octave on the last word. "Whatever happened to make you so… so…" she couldn't think of a word vile enough.

His eyes narrowed. "You've done your share of talking, now let me do mine." Crossing his arms across his chest, he began, "My sister runs away, along with everyone else, I'd thought her dead or kidnapped or worse, I find her here, and you think I'm just going to leave her well alone? You are mistaken. This fight will not be over until my sister is back where she belongs."

Mary-Lynnette let escape a bitter, short-lived laugh. "You think I'm stupid enough to believe that? Believe that you, an ignorant, chauvinistic, selfish animal, is only here because he cares for his sister?" She shook her head. "Jade told me about you. She said that the only thing you care about is respect. She said you changed into this," Mare gestured toward the whole of him, "to get it, and that you would do anything to keep slander from the family name."

"I can't care about both?" He asked.

Mare studied him for a moment. "Which one do you care about more?"

Ash hesitated.

"See?" Mare asked. "This is why I don't want you taking her. This is why she doesn't want to go with you, back to a place where everyone hesitates when answering that question."

"I choose Jade." Ash said finally.

Mare shook her head. "It took you far too long to come to that conclusion. I can't trust her to a man like you."

"She's my sister."

"And she's my responsibility." Mare said. "I will ask you politely: please leave."

Ash stood stock still for a moment, then nodded slowly. "I will be back."

**Hey guys! Sorry for the long wait :S Hope you liked it!**

**Review?**


	7. Chapter 7

_I'd believe a lie  
It's all I really need  
To get me through the night_

**- Jason Walker, More Alone **

Morgead twiddled his thumbs in boredom.

He hadn't much to do all day. It was at night—during show hours—that his clientele showed. When his skills as a pickpocket came in handy. The rest of the day he slept or sat bored out of his mind.

It was then that the blond haired brat from the night before came sauntering out of the leader's tent. A smirk played on his face, though it quickly faded when he saw no one was around to witness it (well, he _thought_ no one was watching.) The boy then continued forward.

Regarding the rest of the camp, silent and still because many members had yet to wake up—and, in the hopes of discovering something to preoccupy his interest, he took a step after the dancer's brother.

Out of the camp.

Up the road.

Then, the boy stopped to look back. He gave a small sigh, barely detectable.

Roll of the eyes.

Then off again.

Morgead followed him down the road and into the town. On the brink of following him around yet another corner, Morgead paused.

Through a misty, translucent pane of glass that saw into a small, homey cafe, sat two very familiar figures.

-0-

Jeremy eyed the croissant.

He supposed it was thoughtful of Hunter Redfern to get it for him, but at the same time, Jeremy couldn't help but wonder if it was poisoned. It certainly wouldn't be out of character for the old man to do something like that.

"A new development already?" Hunter asked. Not surprised, nor impressed, nor doubtful. Nothing.

"One of the dancers—Jade Redfern—you might now her." Angel replied.

Hunter shrugged. "Doubtful. The Redferns are a large family. Impossible to know them all."

"Quite right." Angel acknowledged. "Anyway, her brother, Ash, showed up yesterday, with the intention of taking Jade."

"And how is this of any relevance to me?" His tone implied he had better places to be.

"Jade," Jeremy said, finally pitching in, "is underage. Her brother showed up, sent by her legal guardians with instructions to retrieve her. But, Mary-Lynnette is putting up a fight."

"And she could get in serious legal trouble for that..." Angel hinted, unneeded incentive.

Hunter nodded. "What did you say her brother's name was? Ash?" He inquired.

"Ash Redfern, sir." Angel told him.

"Right." Hunter stood. Placing a wad of cash on the table, he said, "You've been quite helpful. Any other tidbits…"

"We will contact you." Angel assured him.

-0-

It went without saying: Mary-Lynnette was exhausted, upset, and in need of some comfort.

So, it was with a weary stride she set out to find Jeremy Lovett—an invaluable extra hand. Like all of the extra hands, he worked at various tasks: set up, concession stand, clown, and face painter. But, unlike the other extra hands, he also took part in some of the animal training. Jeremy excelled at everything. He was strong, he understood the animals, he got along great with kids, and he was patient. He was her best friend.

They'd met when they were five, her father and his uncle worked in the same factory. Some days Mare's father would take her to work, and some days Jeremy's uncle would take him. And some days, the best days, they would end up at the factory together.

She'd fast found a friend in Jeremy. They both shared an interest in astronomy, they both loved the woods outside the factory fence, and later, they both became fascinated with the life of a circus performer.

So, when they were 18, and saw their chance, they jumped. She became a dancer and he an extra hand. Eventually they graduated to higher positions; and here they were, seven years after joining, still friends of the best sort.

Mare hoped that someday, just maybe, they'd be more.

Though, before that could happen, she'd have to find him. She searched the camp extensively, only to find him absent. It wasn't odd for members to go into town, which is where she suspected he was, though she'd requested to always be notified before a member set off. Maybe Jer had been in a hurry, maybe he'd forgotten to come to her.

Whatever the case, she now had no one to talk to. If course, there was Mark, though Mare strongly suspected he was with Jade and wouldn't want to be interrupted. That boy had it bad.

Mare, about to give up on the prospect of company, stopped when her name was called.

"Mary-Lynnette," Hannah Snow, an animal trainer who also doubled as the vet.

"Hannah," Mare greeted. Hannah was one of the few presences she would welcome right now. Quiet and sweet, Hannah had a calmness about her that Mary-Lynnette was in need of right about now.

"I'm sorry to bother you, I know you must be tired after last night's ordeal." Hannah started off by saying.

"Not at all." Mare dismissed the apology.

"It's just, you see…" Hannah bit her lip. "We're close to Tucson and I know that's when Thierry usually checks in…"

"Maya won't be with him." Mare felt a bucket-load of sympathy for the beautiful girl; first falling in love with her boss, then finding he was 'involved' with someone else._ Used_ to be involved, more like it. Things with Maya had never been serious, and he'd cut it off quite a while back, though every once in a while, she came back to ruin whatever relationship he might have going. "I've told you once and I'll tell you again: There's nothing between them. There never really was."

"I know," Hannah most certainly did not believe those words. "But I can't help but feel it will be awkward.

Mare sighed. "I'll give you leave," she put a hand on Hannah's shoulder, "but if he insists on a full staff evaluation, you'll have to suck it up and stick it out."

Hannah feigned a smile. "I will, I promise."

-0-

Jez, less certain after the bout of uneventful searching the night before, knew it was probably nothing; she told herself over and over she was imagining things, but there was still a part of her—the part of her that couldn't let go of 5 years on the street, surviving only due to caution—that told her this _wasn't_ nothing.

Jez turned over in her bed, and was met by a variety of people she was not used to waking up to.

There was Mark holding Jade; then, by Rashel and Keller, there was Galen. Over next to Maggie lay Delos—face turned into Maggie's untamed nest of deep red ringlets.

Jez sat up, stretched, and checked for the time. 11:13—around the hour she usually woke up.

Hopping off her bunk, she made her way into the bright sunlight. It blinded her for a moment, then simmered down to something that could be handled with squinted eyes.

She settled, perched on the counter of the concession stand, with a bagel in hand.

She could ask Keller if she'd seen an urchin anywhere, though Jez doubted she'd turn up anything new. If Keller suspected something, she would make sure people knew to look out.

Jez would have to look herself. If it was nothing, and she still hoped it was—then fine. But if she found something…

-0-

Maggie woke to the soft tickle of breath on her neck. She stirred, then froze when she realized there was someone next to her.

Lifting her head slowly, the sleeping form of Delos gradually came into focus.

She bolted upright, eyes wide. _How did this even happen?_ Maggie thought to herself.

She scanned the room, and her sprinting heart slowed to a jog. Galen, Mark, David—they were all here too. Jade's predicament sprung to mind and Maggie nodded slowly.

It was all coming back to her now. The insufferable wait, Delos trying to pass the time with bad knock-knock jokes Jeremy had told him—Maggie was quite certain Delos didn't understand half of them—and, eventually, drifting off without telling Delos to get out of her bunk.

Maggie tore her eyes away from Delos's face, panic giving way to relief giving way to a strange sort of tingling.

"I thought you said he wasn't your type?"

Maggie's gaze shot across the room, locking with Blaise's. Her grey eyes were twinkling, and Maggie got the feeling she found this rather comical.

"He's not," Maggie said. "It was an accident."

Maggie swung over the railing, and landed on the floor with an ungrace generally reserved for drunks and toddlers whose heads were too large.

"Right," Blaise rolled her eyes.

Maggie scowled. Blaise had always had this insane notion that Maggie and Delos were meant for each other, or something. But Maggie knew better than to take Blaise's notions seriously. Blaise was probably the only one at camp opposed to the idea of Mare and Jeremy getting together, which was properly unthinkable.

Maggie stretched and headed for the flap. Only pausing to say, "Blaise, it's never gonna happen."

Maggie got the feeling Blaise was smirking and shaking her head at Maggie's retreating backside.

**Hey! Well, I just finished the second book in the Leviathan series by Scott Westerfeld, and I've got to say: If you haven't read it yet, you need to _right now! _Also: Gone by Michael Grant. AMAZING!**

**Guest: Yes, I believe it is.**


	8. Chapter 8

_Between the lines of fear and blame_

_You begin to wonder why you came_

**-The Fray, How to Save a Life**

_The show must go on._

Jade had never really understood that saying until now, and she cursed whoever thought it up. She was a wreck—a wreck that was _completely_ not ready to perform.

But she had to.

Everyone else was ready to go on, and despite the fact her brother was set on getting her to come home with him, they had to act with absolute normality. The universe didn't revolve around her.

_The show must go on._

-0-

Morgead kept a close eye on the two men.

They seemed to enjoy their jobs, so why meet with a man who was known to bankrupt small businesses? They seemed to like the companionship, so why sneak around behind their friend's backs? The Jeremy fellow even seemed to have a lassie on his arm, or lassie soon to be.

So why?

_Money_. Wasn't that why everyone did everything?

It was why Morgead followed the circus around, picking pockets and nabbing purses. It was why the man, Hunter Redfern, was so interested. It was, undoubtedly, why the two boys would be willing to sell this place out, despite their friends and jobs.

Morgead rolled his eyes and slipped into the nearest tent.

Fire.

It was the act he liked best, by far. It was hypnotizing (though, if he was being honest, it wasn't the act itself he liked. It was the girl.)

With hair as bright and red as the fire she threw and crystal sky-colored eyes that, although were cooling and collected, flickered with their own sort of flame, she was the most gorgeous woman he'd ever set eyes on.

She whirled around the stage with the other flame thrower, juggling and dancing through the inferno.

And then the act came to a close, and she stood still.

She was completely frozen but for her eyes, which swept the crowed. Then, they met his, and they widened.

An ice shade of silver blue, they'd only been pointed directly at him once before.

After a brief moment of hypnosis, allowing himself to take in the incredible color, he sprang into action. Backing away from the crowd, and ducking out of the tent.

-0-

Jez was certain the man in the crowd was the one she'd seen in the shadows.

She'd begun to believe she was crazy to keep perusing this matter—one pair of eyes, no matter the slyness she saw when she looked into them, was worth this much worry. But now she'd seen who they belonged to.

Tall, dark hair, angular face, and a light to him that set her warning bells on 'clang like crazy'.

She followed Delos off stage, where Maggie was waiting to announce there would be no more acts held in this tent.

"You-" She began to say, but Jez rushed past her, and out of the back entrance.

-0-

Gillian was decidedly taken with the face painting booth.

The tiny paper lanterns flickered all around her, lighting the small, striped space like the stars light the sky, and the smell of buttered popcorn wafted towards her like a wind straight from Heaven itself.

She added the last whisker to the child's face, then watched him walk away.

She put down her paint brush. The little boy had been the last in a long line, and, for now, there were no faces left to paint.

Gillian stretched, then started when Jez came bursting in.

"Everything okay?" Gill asked on impulse.

"Tall man, dark hair, green eyes," Jez blurted. "You seen him?"

"No." Gillian answered. "Why?"

"Just tell me if you do."

Then she was alone again. Gillian shook her head, wondering what that had been about.

-0-

Mare walked into her tent to find Ash Redfern staring at a small, framed piece of pastel work that rested on her desk.

Delicate and detailed, it depicted a younger Mary-Lynnette, her arm around Dove. About the age Mary-Lynnette was now, with soft brown hair, the woman had been the first to befriend Mare after she and Jeremy had joined. Both in dancer's get-up, they were smiling.

"Love of the circus just runs in the family, I suppose." She said softly.

"Come again, sunshine?" He spun around to face Mary-Lynnette.

"That's Dove Redfern. She danced." Mare explained.

"I haven't seen her around." Ash said.

"You wouldn't have." Mare said, and then cursed herself. Dove had died in an accident during practice. Seeing as Jade now had the same job Dove had once held, bringing up the untimely death would only play to Ash's favor.

"Why not?" Ash inquired.

"She doesn't work here anymore." Mare said, and left it at that.

"She was Hunter Redfern's daughter, wasn't she?" Ash wondered.

"I wouldn't know. She never talked about her family." Mare shrugged.

"You talk about her in past tense." Ash noticed. "Why is that?"

"I told you. She doesn't work here anymore." Mare sat behind her desk. "I haven't seen her in years."

"Why'd she leave?" Ash idly leaned back in his chair.

"She decided she wanted more, I suppose." That was an outright lie. Mare studied the picture. The Dove Mare had known had obtained everything she'd ever wanted. She'd had Quinn, friends, a job she loved doing. Leaving for a bigger gig would never have crossed Dove's mind—not even on the worst days. "A larger audience. More recognition."

"Hm." Ash's eyes returned to the portrait.

"Now, would you mind telling me why you're here?" Mare's eyebrow raised.

"You know why I'm here." Ash said. "Formality. You're smart, you've figured out that nothing you say will convince me to let her stay here."

"And you know nothing you say will ever make me let her go." Mare informed him with equal civility. A silent agreement to not repeat the previous nights' shouting match. No one was gaining any ground, and it was clear no one _would_ gain any ground. It was a silent stand off until one of them did something drastic enough to change the game.

"Then perhaps I'll just take her away," Ash said. "We both know these talks are getting us nowhere."

"I won't let you take her." Mare said, her voice strained. She knew it was well within his rights to take her. Jade was not a legal adult, and her legal guardians had sent her brother to fetch her.

All Mare could do was stand solid.

"Look," Ash gritted his teeth. "I get that she doesn't want to leave. I get that she's happy here, but she's underage. The second she turns 18 she can come right back here. For now, she needs to come back with me."

Mare sat silent for a moment, processing what he'd said. He'd changed his stance. Last night it had been all about finding a fault with the circus, and what was right for the Redfern family as a whole. Now, it seemed to be about the law. Mare thought back to the conversation before this one:

"_Jade told me about you. She said that the only thing you care about is respect. She said you changed into this to get it, and that you would do anything to keep slander from the family name."_

"_I can't care about both?" _

_ "Which one do you care about more?"_

She thought about the hesitation before he'd answered with: Jade.

Then shook her head. "Do you know how much she loathes that place?"

"Yes, and sometimes, I hate it too." Ash said. "But she _can't stay here_. Not now, at least."

"I'll stand by what Jade wants." Mare told him, resolute. "You know where she is, go talk to her. If you can convince her to come, then kudos to you. But if she still wants to stay here, then she will." Mare was certain Jade would turn Ash down.

"Remember, I've told you before, this is all just formality." Ash stood, and made as if to leave.

"You do not threaten her into agreeing with you, you do not take her by force." Mare's voice was steely, cold, and, if she wasn't mistaken, Ash flinched at the sound of it. "Got it?"

"Fine." He said brusquely.

-0-

Jade tensed as her brother approached her.

He stopped five feet away, pursing his lips at the company she was in. Poppy and Maggie to her left, Delos and Iliana to her right.

"Can I talk to you?" He finally said.

"Yes," Jade said.

After a moment of still silence, he said, "Alone?"

Another hush.

"For goodness sakes," Ash rolled his eyes. "I'm not going to kidnap her, if that's what you're worried about. I'm not that desperate yet."

"What makes you think we'll believe you on your word alone?" Maggie asked.

"If that's not enough to put you at ease," Ash rolled his eyes, "know that I've also promised Mary-Lynnette."

This seemed to placate her friends, though barely. Jade nodded at them, and they backed away.

"We'll be watching," Poppy warned. "And at the first hint of trouble…" She trailed off. She was small, but when she wanted to be, she was pure menace.

However; Ash didn't seem at all worried. "Of course," he replied.

Jade tuned to face him.

A full minute passed.

Then, Jade broke the silence. "What? No grabbing? No dragging? Nothing?"

"I told you, I promised."

"You must be pretty terrified of Mare to keep a promise like _this_ to her." Jade observed.

"She doesn't intimidate me," Ash puffed out his chest a bit, "though, I pity the poor lad who gets on her bad side."

Jade suppressed a smile. If there was ever anyone who could make her brother's skin crawl, it was Mare.

"So, if you're not going to hustle me away, then you really want to talk?" Jade asked.

"Mare said she'd stand by you, and that if I could convince you to come with me, she wouldn't interfere." Ash explained.

"There's nothing you can say," Jade said bluntly. "I'm never going back."

"You wouldn't have to stay." Ash said and Jade's eyebrows went up.

"You can't seriously mean you'd let me come back." Jade's eyes went narrow.

Ash sighed. "Mary-Lynette got me thinking. She told me you thought I cared only about respect, that I'd turned into some sort of monster to get it."

"That's exactly what I think." Jade confirmed.

"But I care about you more." He said softly, and Jade was struck speechless. In his eyes, for a moment, she thought she saw a little of the boy he used to be. "You're not a legal adult now, but when you turn 18…." Ash sat down, as if saying these words exhausted him utterly. "This place makes you happy. You may not have seen me, even when you were looking, but I watched your show. And if you want to come back here, when you're old enough to have renounced the Redfern name…" Ash swallowed. "I'd help you fabricate a story. I'd make sure they believed you to be dead or something—no shame on the family, and no one would come looking for you."

Jade remained silent for a moment, mulling it over. "The only problem is that I don't trust you. I think you'll get me back, and you'll never take an eye off me again."

"I'd help you." Ash gazed up at her pleadingly.

"And besides," she said, ignoring his look, "I don't think I could survive another two years in that place anyway." She backed away.

"Please, Jade."

She shook her head.

"I won't give up."

"I know."

**Sorry it took so long, guys :S I forgot I had this on my computer.**


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